THE 40 YR OLD VIRGIN(short story)

THE LEGEND OF MPEZENI, THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN

In the small village of Kanyamakende, where goats roamed freely and grandmothers had sharper tongues than knives, there lived a man named Mpezeni. Mpezeni was a tall, lanky man with a big head, feet like frying pans, and a nervous laugh that sounded like a hyena choking on a bone. But the most famous thing about Mpezeni was not his big head or his nervous laugh—it was the fact that he was FORTY YEARS OLD and still a VIRGIN!

Now, in the village, being a 40-year-old virgin was a

bigger crime than stealing the chief’s chicken. Every market day, the women would gossip about him while selling tomatoes.

"A whole grown man, still untouched! Even my grandfather’s walking stick has seen more action!" one old woman cackled.

"Maybe he is bewitched! Or maybe… maybe he is scared of women!" another added, slapping her knee.

Mpezeni’s mother, Mama Pendo, had had enough. She stormed into his mud hut one morning and threw water on him.

"Wake up, you disgrace! I want grandchildren before my teeth finish falling out!"

Mpezeni sat up, shivering. "Mama, please—"

"Shut up, Mpezeni! Today is the day you become a man! I have spoken to Mrembo, the village beauty, and tonight, you will be her husband!"

Mpezeni’s eyes almost popped out. Mrembo?! The woman who made even pastors forget their Bibles? The woman whose backside could cause a bicycle accident? That Mrembo?!

That evening, the entire village gathered to witness Mpezeni’s big day. The elders slaughtered a goat. The drummers played. The village madman danced in circles for no reason.

Finally, Mrembo appeared. She was dressed in a bright kitenge, her skin glowing like a well-cooked chapati. She looked at Mpezeni and smiled.

Mpezeni fainted.

The village screamed in shock. The chief threw his hat on the ground. Mama Pendo grabbed a stick and started beating Mpezeni’s lifeless body.

"Wake up, you coward! Even a mosquito has more courage than you!"

The herbalist poured a secret potion on Mpezeni’s face. He woke up with a loud "HAAH!" and ran straight into a goat. The goat, confused, headbutted him back to the ground.

The wedding was postponed. Mpezeni, ashamed, hid in his hut for a whole week.

But Mama Pendo was not done. She hired three men to drag Mpezeni out and take him to the village witch doctor. The witch doctor tied a dead chicken around Mpezeni’s neck and made him drink a bitter potion.

"This will make you strong like a lion!" the witch doctor declared.

Mpezeni felt the drink burn his throat. Suddenly, he stood up, beat his chest, and shouted—"I AM READY FOR MREMBO!"

That night, the wedding happened again. The villagers waited outside, eager to hear the proof of success. But five minutes later, Mrembo stormed out, laughing so hard that she fell on the ground.

"Mpezeni… Mpezeni tried to hug me… and he fainted again!"

The village exploded with laughter. Mama Pendo buried her face in her hands. The chief shook his head. The village madman rolled on the ground, laughing harder than anyone.

And that is how Mpezeni, the 40-year-old virgin, became the biggest joke in Kanyamakende.

THE END.***prbxselfnetwork***